Working With Your Student: Helping Them Help Themselves

This post comes from a guest blogger: Sarah Tetley, Assistant Director of Housing and Residential Life at Webster University

As parents you get the pleasures (and pains) of seeing your student go off to college. In my seven years of professional experience, I have found one of the most important things a parent can do is have an action plan about how they are going to help their student adjust to college life. Having an action plan will help you feel more comfortable during conversations, and will help you show your student that you are there for them, but that they can make solid decisions on their own.

There are many proactive efforts that can help you with conversations with your students. Here are some suggestions on how you can help your student get all the resources they need to address their issues on their own.

• Know who to Contact – Make them aware of the student and professional staff support they have to help them deal with their issues. If they are living on campus there is their Resident Assistant, the Hall Director, and even the Residential Life Office to help them through their issues or help them get connected to the right campus resource. If they are an off-campus student, the Dean's Office has staff that can help them get connected to a wide variety of campus resources. Visit this website to see several of these campus resources: http://www.webster.edu/students/
  
• Know the Policies – If you are educated on your institution's policies and procedures ahead of time, during conversations with your student you will be better equipped to articulate how the university typically handles certain situations. Many of these polices can be found on the university website. Housing and Residential Life policies are located here: http://www.webster.edu/shared/shared_reslife/documents/Handbook_FY09_policies___procedures.pdf. Your student will see that there is an appropriate way to address concerns, and the staff will appreciate your students understanding of how the process works.
• Be aware of situations in your student’s life – Keep up to date regarding issues with your student. When you know what is going on, you can direct them to the resources that are available to them to address their problem. The earlier problems are addressed the better. You don’t want an issue to evolve and come to fruition during a hard time for your student (mid-terms, finals, etc).
• The Two-Sided Coin – In every situation there are two (or more) sides to consider. Your son or daughter has a unique perspective (their own) when describing events and situations to you. A healthy level of sympathy and challenge can help you help your student see all the sides of the situation. By being supportive but also recognizing the bigger scope can help your student better articulate their issues to the staff who can help assist your student.
  

Empowering your student is one of the single most important things you can do for your student’s college experience. If they begin to address their own issues earlier they will gain a confidence that will help support them through the rest of their college career. Within these four (or more) years they are becoming the people they will be for the rest of their lives. Help them become students with their own problem-solving abilities by encouraging them to utilize the resources available to them. With your support they can continue to grow.

Free Financial Literacy Event for Students

You might want to pass along this information to your son/daughter about a great event offered by Webster University's Career Services and WebsterLEADS:

Manage Your Money (and still have a life)
Free Financial Literacy Event for college students presented by The Missouri Society of Certified Public Accountants
Wednesday, October 29
6:00-7:00pm
Sverdrup Room 101

It will provide information about budgets, methods for saving, understanding credit, and much more.

Free Pizza and Prizes!

I hope you'll pass this information along--this should be a really educational program!

Webster Alerts

If your student is not signed up for the Webster Alerts program, we strongly encourage ALL RESIDENTS to sign up for this mass notification system set up by Webster University. This system is used to alert students, faculty, and staff in the event of an on-campus emergency or school closure due to weather. Parents are also welcome to sign up.

Signup is fast and easy! Simply go to www.webster.edu/technology/websteralerts and go to the new user signup form. Individuals can use the self-service web interface to opt-in to receiving only the notifications they choose. The choice of notification methods include: SMS text messages to a cell phone, an email account, a Blackberry or text pager, a RSS feed or any combination of these.

So sign up today, and tell your son/daughter to sign up as well. This system is absolutely critical for getting the word out quickly in case of an emergency. And it's very useful for hitting snooze if school is closed because of snow.

Coming up on Fall Break

This post comes from a guest blogger: John Buck, Director of Housing and Residential Life & Associate Dean of Students at Webster University

Although it was a mere matter of weeks ago when your student arrived to Webster University, it may now feel like it was longer. Gone for many parents are the uneasy feelings of apprehension that come along with dropping your child off at college. Let’s not minimize that, though - it can be a difficult transition for parents to make, whether your student is the first or last to attend college in your family.

Fall break at Webster, though, can bring parents a new sense of excitement: a happy, 5-day homecoming to be spent with the family, providing a small glimpse back to when this sort of thing happened all of the time. Yet, it’s important to know one thing as fall break approaches: while this homecoming affords you and your family to spend quality time with your student, it may not quite be the way it always was.

Autumn brings many seasonal changes, most notably the changing colors of leaves on trees. Similarly, you will begin to notice changes in your student as well – some stark and obvious, some more subtle. Consider the following: In roughly eight short weeks, they’ve embarked on a great adventure of managing their own time, own decisions, own money, own sleep schedule, own laundry and own class attendance. In their short time here thus far, you can be assured your student has seen faces never before seen (wonder where she’s from?), participated in programs never before thought remotely interesting (throw a pie in the Dean of Student's face anyone?), and have shared stories with people from places they never been to (I have no idea where that is!). All of these things, and many more, begin to impact your student’s values, opinions and worldview.

So what does that mean for the upcoming respite called fall break? Here’s some food for thought as you prepare to welcome them home in a couple of weeks:

- Anticipate hearing them say things you never thought they’d say, but resist the urge to interpret that as a fundamental shift of the mindset of your student. It’s likely a reflection of something new and interesting they may not fully understand themselves.

- Anticipate hearing something s/he did that sounds outrageous, but resist the urge to demand a full explanation as to what in the world they were thinking when they did whatever it was they said they did. Instead, engage the conversation in a way that looks at consequences and long-term effects of decisions made now (while at the same time remembering what you were like at 18-19 years old!).

As students experience their first year of college, it can seem as if your student has one foot out the door, and they want to ignore home as they begin the journey to adulthood. It has always been the role of parents and families to make that stepping out the door possible. But in my experience, there are times when they want to make sure that home base is solid and predictable. Enjoy the time fall break affords you to visit with your student, remembering that they are probably looking forward to the visit as well. But just as you notice the leaves beginning to change in the fall, you’ll begin to also notice changes as your child visits home on breaks and describes their experience of being a college student.

Rollercoaster of College: Culture Shock Phase

This post comes from a guest blogger: Sarah Tetley, Assistant Director of Housing and Residential Life at Webster University

Your student’s transition in college is like a roller coaster … how to help them on the ride of their life … part two Culture Shock Phase

In the Sept. 2 parent blog post, you were introduced to the concept of the W-Curve. The W-Curve is a model that tracts students transition to college. We first discussed the Honeymoon Phase, which happens around the beginning of the school year. The next phase they reach is called the Culture Shock Phase, which begins to surface 6-8 weeks into their transition.

Eventually the newness and the excitement of college life wears thin and the students find themselves in a reality check. They no longer have the comforts of home, and they have to make some big adjustments with new people (having a roommate, sharing a bathroom, having lots of neighbors, etc). This process can be fun but also draining on students who are trying to adjust socially as well as academically.

Zeller and Mosier (1993) “The unfamiliar territory of the college classroom also creates dissonance. … Lecture classes, unclear guidelines for note taking and studying, and unfamiliar … faculty work together to produce potential difficulties … Routine tasks that were taken for granted become problematic chares. Where to go shopping, get a haircut, or receive medical attention can create feelings of frustration.”

"Homesickness may begin to be an issue, and some students will try to keep a tight grip on their homes (going home on weekends, Text-ing friends from home constantly, hanging up lots of pictures of friends, family, significant others, etc.) Students are also going through a process of becoming self-reliant, establishing a unique identity, and accepting the responsibilities for their own actions."

"The college freshman has many personal issues to deal with in addition to adjusting to college academic expectations; reworking relationships with parents, creating new social circles, dealing with separation and its resultant anxiety and dealing with conflicting values. Attempting to synthesize these personal challenges into some formal structure requires a great investment of energy. It is important to understand that this is a period of great potentially positive change but it is also a period of more intense person conflict and anxiety.”

How you can help them with this part of their transition:

1) Give them / send them care packages, letters, etc. supporting them on their decision to go to college. Reaffirm that they are making a great choice in continuing their education.

2) Go visit their campus with them. Have them show you around the great place they are investing themselves in. This joins both of their lives, their lives at home and at school.

3) Ask about their involvements and friends at school. This lets them know that there are a lot of ways to connect with new friends and new experiences without losing their connection to home!

Snail Mail

We know you all want to send cookies and care packages (or bills and junk mail) to your child at school. So that you can make sure it gets to them, we want to make sure you've got the right address. So here goes:

If your child lives in West Hall, East Hall, or Maria Hall, address mail as follows:

Resident Name
240 Edgar Road
Room #____ (East/West/Maria)
St. Louis, MO 63119

Please Note: Be sure to write Room # NOT Apartment #, as this causes sorting conflicts with Webster Village Apartments mail.


If your child lives in the Webster Village Apartments, address mail as follows:

Resident Name

Building 1: 150 Edgar Road Apt. 1__
Building 2: 158 Edgar Road Apt. 2__
Building 3: 200 Edgar Road Apt. 3__
Building 4: 212 Edgar Road Apt. 4__
Building 5: 227 Edgar Road Apt. 5__
Building 6: 163 Edgar Road Apt. 6__

St. Louis, MO 63119

Parents Weekend / Fallfest

Register today for Webster University's first-ever Parents Weekend, part of our Fallfest celebrations. Here's quick run-down of the events open to parents:

FRIDAY, September 26
4-6 pm Registration & Campus Tours
4:30-6:30 pm Alumni Authors Meet & Greet
5-7pm May Gallery Exhibit & Reception
6:30-8:00 pm Parents Cocktail Reception
8-11pm Harmony Concert - Artist: Ben Lee!

SATURDAY, September 27
10:00 am & 2:00 pm Varsity Volleyball Games
12:30 pm Pep Rally & Tailgate
1-2 pm Flag Football Game
3-5 pm FALLFEST 2008 Jazz Reception
5 pm Taste of Webster
8-11 pm Trivia Challenge

For more information about the events listed above, and to register, go to the following website:
https://www.alumniconnections.com/olc/pub/WBS/events/event_order.cgi?tmpl=events&event=2161017

Hope to see you there!

Happenings in Housing / Monday Messenger

The Housing and Residential Life office sends out a weekly email to all Webster University residents. This weekly email is full of important updates, campus events, and more. If you would like to receive this email so that you're getting the same information as your son/daughter, just let us know. We'll gladly add you to the email list!

If your child is a resident in West, East, or Maria Halls, sign up for the Happenings in Housing email by submitting your name and email address to Sarah Tetley at sarahtetley29@webster.edu.

If your child is a resident in the Webster Village Apartments, sign up for the Monday Messenger by submitting your name and email address to Katie McComb at mccombka@webster.edu.

Roommates--Friend or Foe

Now that your son/daughter has had a few weeks to settle in to their home away from home, he/she is probably learning a LOT about living with a roommate. He/she may have signed up to live with a best friend from high school or he/she may have been assigned someone based on the personal data sheets that accompanied the housing application. Whatever the situation, it's better for the student to communicate early and often if there are any problems. If you start hearing complaints about roommate issues from your student, suggest the following tips to help them work through any problems and live harmoniously:

• Fill out a roommate agreement form. These are available from the housing office or from the RA. This will help set apartment standards regarding guests, cleanliness, possessions, noise, and more. That way, if a disagreement arises, there is a written form stating what was previously agreed upon.
• Don't be afraid to be assertive regarding basic rights and needs.*
• Do not let little annoyances bother you. Especially things that your roommate cannot change (e.g. an accent).*
• If your roommate really starts to get on your nerves, just leave the room for a little while to avoid a fight. When you return, you can confront her or perhaps you will not even remember what was bothering you in the first place.*
  
• Remember that you have a right to be treated with respect, as does your roommate.*
  
• Be tolerant.*
• Compromise. There has to be a little give and take.*
• Learn from each other. Be open-minded to your roommate’s point-of-view and listen to his/her side.*
• If the problems go beyond all these suggestions, schedule a mediation with your RA. Sometimes it helps to have an unbiased third party to help talk things out.

With a little communication and compromise, hopefully your son/daughter can have a great roommate experience. Some students start college with the idea that their roommate will be their best friend. It does not always work out that way, but we want to make sure that they can at least be good roommates, not enemies.

*Cited from http://www.bsu.edu/students/cpsc/library/roommate/

The Rollercoaster of College

This post comes from a guest blogger: Sarah Tetley, Assistant Director of Housing and Residential Life at Webster University

Your student’s transition in college is like a roller coaster...how to help them on the ride of their life.

It’s August and classes have begun. For all new students this can be a very nervous and exciting experience. Transitioning into any new culture comes with its ups and downs. Most students go through what is called a “W-curve” during their first year of college transition. Over the course of the year I’d like to introduce you to the concept and give you a few pointers about how to help your student through each part of the W-curve.

The first stage of the W-Curve is considered the honeymoon phase, and usually begins before the student arrives on campus. It can begin as soon as the decision is made to attend a particular university. It continues to build as the student attends orientation programs, gets their housing assignments, and begins planning for school to start. They experience mixed feelings of excitement, nervousness, and anticipation. Students do feel a sense of nostalgia about leaving their home, friends, significant others, but the fun and excitement of their college experience is a strong force.


Zeller and Mosier (1993) “As students arrive on campus, there generally is a strong sense of welcoming from the campus community. Other new students quickly become friends, returning students become mentors, and staff and faculty are available to assist them through a variety of first week programs. The initial sense of freedom new students feel often is exhilarating. For traditional aged students, moving away from parental oversight and taking responsibility for one’s own lifestyle creates a strong positive feeling.”


Students can typically ride this high for several weeks after they start college. There are levels of homesickness and nostalgia for their family and high school friends, however they are also encompassed with that “honeymoon” feeling that will take them through.

How you can help them with this part of their transition:

1) Celebrate with them! Be excited right a long side them while they embark on their new experience. Seeing you excited and happy for them will let them know they are supported!

2) Ask them about how they are getting involved. On campus there are a lot of ways to get involved and get them connected. Getting involved early will help them keep that “honeymoon” level of excitement longer.

3) Take note of all the things they are excited about, as when they get to the next stage, they may need to be reminded how excited they were when they arrived!